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By Mr PaSang   #111139
May 04, 2014, 4:45pm  | 6,443,343    0
These days, it’s impossible to visit any housing area in PJ or KL without seeing some security guards checking your identity, and verifying that you’re who you are, and heading where you’re supposed to head. Necessary to prevent ever-escalating Malaysian crime rates, we pay monthly fees, and for the money, we are comforted by the sight of uniformed security guards patrolling our neighbourhood and guarding the now-limited points of entry.

But are these numerous measures really ALL that effective? For all you aspiring criminals out there, here’s a convenient list of things that can get you into a neighbourhood, no problem.

1. The five-finger secret code


As you’re passing by the dreaded gantries, don’t worry. Just give the guards the secret 5-finger code

Raise your right hand > Open your fingers, exposing your palm at a 90-degree angle > Wave left to right once.

If the guard reciprocates with the secret code, you’re in!

WARNING: Don’t wave left to right more than twice or engage in length conversation. You will seem ‘too friendly’ and arouse the suspicion of these oft-ignored guards.

2. Drive a nice car
2013-04-02 14.59.29

Yes, I drive an old car. And because of that I will get stopped at every bloody security check without fail. However, I also used to review cars for a living. When I rock up in anything that costs more than RM100,000, the smiles are wider, the glances are briefer and the gantry is up before I’ve even reached the guardhouse. Something German would be nice.

3. Make a fake driver’s license


It might not be so easy faking an IC to a guard (remember, they might have ICs too *wink*wink*), so why not fake a driver’s license instead. Seeing as how they’re foreigners, most of whom are on bikes, they’re not necessarily the experts on spotting fake licenses and will most likely not ask too many questions with ANY sort of identification. There’s no hologram so you could easily just colour photocopy one, pay RM4 to laminate it, and you’re in. Personally, I’ve presented my (very old) student card to enter a condo before.

CILISOS Security Suggestion #1 : Instead of wasting time and building a queue while checking licenses, put a BIG sign outside your neighbourhood that says “SMILE! YOU’RE GETTING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN”, give each security guard an RM700 smartphone that has a decent camera, and get him to stick it in the car and take a picture of ALL the people in each car before letting them through. For those who don’t want their picture taken, then ask them to call the owners to get them at the gantry (that’s the price of privacy).

Read the rest of it (steps 4-8) here:
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